NAIVE AT BEST...

2010-09-25T06:14:00.001-07:00

Sade: Soldier Of Love

2010-02-11T19:44:00.000-08:00

I love Sade!!!! I mean LOVE LOVE LOVE her! Only Sade can be M.I.A. 8 years and come back without skipping a beat. She still relevant without losing her artistic edge.

Side note: I want to look that good at 50...

Random Foolishness

2010-02-11T19:39:00.001-08:00

I remember the summer I saw this with a friend. We sang this song all day.

Jill Scott Leaves Hidden beach??? What..?!?!

2010-02-09T19:30:00.000-08:00

So I'm thinking of my favorite artist Ms. Jill Scott and decide to Google her in search of new projects. And what did I find? A post from TMZ stating that Hidden Beach Records is suing their most prized soul singer for breach of contract. Apparently Hidden Beach claims they signed ole girl for 6 Albums and that she has only fulfilled half of her obligations recording only 3 albums since 1999.

Now I don't know about y'all but I find it hard to believe an independent such as hidden beach to put some extreme faith in a unknown talent (at the time). I guess that was a different time.

Here I am Hoping to see a new video or a leaked song, now it doesn't look like she'll be releasing anything new. At least not until this case clears. I love me some Jill Scott...

Why isn't Hidden Beach taking these kind of chances on the young underrated artist out there now. It seems like if you don't rock a leotard and run from live singing like the plague you cant be signed. Where's Jazmine Sullivan's 6 album contract?

BUSTED...

2010-02-09T18:40:00.001-08:00

How dumb do I have to be to get caught job searching while on the job...? I guess THIS dumb. Today I was a "little" excited to get a couple of emails from a few companies I've recently sent my resume to. So, I got this burst of encouragement to keep looking again. Yeah bad Idea. I'm just going to have to wait until I get home...

Jump-off Is Not An Occupation

2010-02-07T06:26:00.000-08:00

Unless your Kim Kardashian because unlike most lazy hoes she has a show.

I am tired, I mean TIRED of these woman coming out of the woodwork to publicize their sex lives with married celebrity men. Honestly it's none of my business what the world's entertainers do when the lights are off or on for that matter. If their not doing their job I don't care who they screw or where. I couldn't care less how many I love text you get, because they rarely do. Your the jump-off not the wife and mother of three, you don't get the pin to his bank account or in most cases the address to his home. Please I beg of you... Keep your legs closed to married men.

Proof: Never Listen to your Friends During A Break-up

2010-02-07T06:10:00.000-08:00

I saw this on a number of sites and thought I'd speak my piece... Except I only have one thing to say. WHY THE FUCK WOULD HER FRIENDS SUGGEST SURGERY!!! The girl obviously had the right idea to leave her delusional boyfriend. But then she started listening to her friends... Nuff Said

Work Sucks

2010-02-07T05:23:00.000-08:00

Some days I really hate my job... I'm not sure if its the drunk assholes that always think they deserve the VIP treatment (Which I couldn't pretend to accommodate at 2am). Or maybe it's the teenage druggies that wander off the street to shoot up in the bathroom (NAKED), then refuse to leave until you reach their mothers. Or maybe, just maybe it's the pre-K prostitutes that stroll back and forth from "their" rooms to random dark cars then back again to engage in constant headboard knocking shame, trust me, I get the calls...? Smh... Honestly it has to be the cheapsters that try to get over on me like I'm new to this shit. They think if they scream loud enough I'll give them what they want. I just stare at them like they crazy (because they usually are) and tell them they've already paid through (insert 3rd party website here) so there is nothing I can do. Besides when you pay 60 bucks for a $200 room you would think that was discount enough, but no they want free. I know it's hard times out here, but If you don't have the cash then stay your ass at home like the rest of us.

I bitch but I know my place.

Work,keeping me broke not homeless since 2006....

SBEG

Naive @ Heart

Gay Marriage...

2009-11-12T20:20:00.000-08:00

It's none of my business.

Do you.

I'm one of those WI-FI stealing coffee house whores today...

2009-09-06T15:28:00.000-07:00

Times are hard and Clearwire raised my monthly rate so I'm reduced to coffee shop posing while I surf the net and resuscitate my blog... Any who I got a call from my new manager today at 2pm to come in at 3am in the morning to work. I said yes, naturally, because I sort of just got a promotion, and this is training. I'm doing 2 nights of night audit a week. It's more money and less human contact. Perfect for me these day. But I still work 3 days at the front desk in the day. I'm not complaining at all. I've been there a month and got offered more money. What could be better..? EVERYTHING, but that's besides the point. I just wish I knew what time I needed to get to sleep so I'd be well rested. Maybe 7PM...

My Lady B Is Gone

2009-05-29T00:27:00.000-07:00

My grandmother passed almost two weeks ago. We had her rosary and funeral last week. I still don't know what I'm feeling. every time I think about her big brown eyes and unmeasurable love, I stop myself. Why? I have no clue. I'm afraid to really feel anything. I'm afraid that if I touch on my pain, my guilt or my heart that I'll be stuck. I'll be stuck in the same state of shock that captured my body when I was told that she was gone. I'll never be able to explain. My grandmother was my rock. I knew who she was before I knew myself. I'm glad she's not in pain anymore. I guess it's only fair that her physical pain was exchanged for my internal pain.

You Had It All Along

2009-05-28T23:36:00.000-07:00

Why is it that when we've reached a wall we stop and exhale in exhaust. we look up to find an ounce of guidance or motivation as if it was striped from us, piece by piece, with each step leading to reflection. Wracking our brains for answers to questions that once were known. Like the rest of the world we're impatient and need to move fast, so we search outside of ourselves. Hoping to find a quick fix to our state of frustration at life. So we keep searching. We search for the answer to cure it all for so long that we've fallen at that wall. By that time we've started losing our hope, the only shield in life that's truly free. If your smart, you would have remembered that you didn't get to this wall by luck or chance. You will have realized that it was your pursuit of happiness and your God given strength that got you there. And that its those two gifts that will get you through. All you have to do is reflect and gather your fears and trust in what you've known has always been there, but have just forgotten.

Naive@Heart

Like Hiding From God

2009-04-20T22:29:00.000-07:00

I've figured out why I haven't been blogging much, and it's not because my computer died. It's because I've been trying to hide from myself. I've always used my blog as a mental mirror that never failed to acknowledge my flaws. I never saw what I wanted to see but rather who I was, who I am. So I kept my thoughts, challenges, and fears to myself. Where even I couldn't pass judgement. Sad, but all too true. It's really like TRYING to hide from GOD... Impossible, but inevitable. I feel like everyone tries to escape their own truths in search of a false reality that strokes their ego and sings their praises. But that place doesn't exist. And I've come to terms with that. Have you???

Silly Brown Eyed Girl
Naive@Heart

11 pounds closer...

2009-04-20T21:36:00.000-07:00

Remember WAY back in the day , like 6 months ago, when I promised myself I was shooting for Pam Grier's body in Coffy? Well, I'm 11 pounds closer to fitting into her halter top and high-rise shorts. I've made a lifestyle change 4 weeks ago and have already seen improvements in my overall health. I feel alive, confidant and strong. For real I'm eating right taking my vitamins and working my ass off at the gym. I've always had the goal but now I have the determination and drive to execute. It's all coming together... One pound at a time.

Silly Brown Eyed Girl
Naive@Heart

What to say, what to say...

2009-04-11T22:01:00.000-07:00

My grandmother in fading more and more everyday. They keep telling us anyday... Anyday now I'll snap one of them rude ass nurse's neck. (ok got that out of my system) My mother asked me to write something to read at her funeral... I'm at a lost... I'm lost.

Recession Hurtin Like A Bitch

2009-03-21T16:08:00.000-07:00

Where the hell I been!!??!?!?!? Clearly living life. I've been so busy living it that I forgot to record the shit right. Better late than never, right? Maybe not, but I'm back... Again. So I've found my calling, the medical field been screaming my name like a bitch, and I've answered. I'm enrolled in school full time and getting my application for nursing school in order. I've been working like a slave at Starbucks (hating every minute of it). I hate my job, but I've come to realize that it provides me the ability to be broke and not homeless. I've learned to pick my battles... I'm back on my weight loss journey, yet again. This time with a friend. So this seems to be IT.

I have lots to say but I don't have it in me to sit next to this urine drenched bum in the library. I'll be back on the G1.

Until next time...

I'm Broke Bitch...

2009-01-05T21:05:00.000-08:00

Why is it that when your down to your last dollar you run out of toilet paper? I remember back in the day (bottomless pit hotel days) I'd take some from work when a roll ran out. I know triflin, but I was needing to wipe my ass meanwhile they was shaving everybodies hours to keep their pockets heavy. So I kept my pockets heavy... smh... Lol. I love how when your broke bitches act like they can't relate? Damn those short term memory bitches.

My New BFF, Lady "O"....

2009-01-03T04:01:00.001-08:00

I've come to the realization that sex does NOT get old when you experience THE "O" on a regular basis. I don't mean some weak ass yelp and a slight tremble from within. I mean the kind or orgasm that has you calling for Jesus and inviting the devil to play at the same time. The kind of orgasm the makes you forget where you are and who your making love too because your mind is so cleared that you've achieved and exceeded the satisfaction of a man busting a big, hard nut. (Is that too graphic? Let me know... better yet, leave my blog.... NOW.) People would always tell me that seeing a man everyday, and laying down with him would get old and boring. Clearly they have never met Lady "O", because they are sadly mistaken. I'm only writing this because I had a visit with her last night and have decided she's my new BFF. That's all no big story just thought I'd tell y'all about my new best friend and hope that you find your own Lady "O" to befriend, because mine is OFF limits. I'm possessive with my friends...

Merry Christmas!!!!!!

2008-12-25T10:04:00.000-08:00

This is the first Christmas my boyfriend and I have shared together. And let me tell you its been a great one. I got two things I've wanted for months. *drum roll*.............

SHE GOT IT!!!
He got me the T-mobile G1 Google phone and...

This hand-crafted amber necklace I fell in love with at Pike Place Market a few months back while shopping. I love the necklace and I love my man even more for remembering something so small.

Worst fucking day ever!!!!!!

2008-12-01T15:09:00.000-08:00

My day started at 4am with a stiff neck and a race to work. My neck was fucking with me all day. I couldn't look to my left without pain on my face. Then while at work one of my baristas decides she wanted to act a fool ,talking to me like she forgot who was in charge. And to tell you the truth I wish I wasn't cause she would have been fucked up by now. But I can't... Gotta lead by example... lol That's funny. Then, My deodorant just decided to stopped working at 10am and left me panicking and "improvising"... Work was a bitch on top of that hoe not knowing her place. Everything was out of control and I couldn't seem to get in under control. Then my manager tells me my transfer to a different cafe didn't go through because he kept putting it off. Then my cell phone stopped working all together. Pissing me off further. THEN on my way home from work whining to my boyfriend about my shitty day, TWO BIRDS decided to SHIT ON ME!!!!
So, my day was HORRIBLE, but I'm ok. My boyfriend made me feel a whole lot better and now I have a smile on my face. Because I know that things could be worst... I could have been trampled to death by caffeine starved customers.

I've Been Gone For Too Long

2008-11-29T21:23:00.000-08:00

Where the hell have I been???
I've been gone for a minute, but I'm back.
Check for me...

Love,
SBEG

Love Letter To The Almighty "D"

2008-10-10T18:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Almighty "D",

It's been 11 days since I've felt your goodness... You know that's too long. You know I've been waiting on your limitless love. Your sensuous touch. I know I've played my part in denying my thrust for you, but you've been hiding too. You know what you mean to me. You know what we've been through together. All those nights of unbeatable orgasmic experiences and steamy hazes, how could you deny those? How could you pretend like when you and I were intertwined that we didn't come alive. In between those seconds of breath all I can think about is what you do to me. How all I want is you inside of my being. I can't escape from you. No matter what task is in front of me I'm thinking about loving you the way I've been wanting too. I try to keep my mind on track and stay productive, but I can't. You have to be feeling this too. You have to be feeling deprived. You have to feel the same as I do. Your wanted, BAD. I can promise you that I'll do whatever it takes... I'm waiting on you.

P.S. You wont be disappointed...

Love,
SBEG

Random Musings

2008-10-03T20:50:00.000-07:00

I’m tired of doing what you feel is correct
I’m tired of pretending to adapt to your way and trade of knowledge
I’m not rebelling I’m responding
To the acceptance of unified failure
To the acknowledgement of feared content
And easy breath with neon signs before personal thought

Estranged

2008-09-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

For the majority or my life my relationship with my parents has always been strained. I'm not going to put the blame solely on them, but I will say that they have always been the adults and I have always been the child... Now that I am older I have forced a relationship with my mother. Abandoning all the pain and anger she produced during my childhood. I learned that as an adult I may need her. Not as much as before, but I know that I do need her support. Through time she has learned from a few of her mistakes from the past, but will always miss the most important points. And I can live with that, so I just ignore her shortcomings because I know I have mine and try to create a bond based on more than false hopes. But when It comes to my father... He has and forever will be on my shit list. He simply doesn't acknowledge our blood relation and paternal bond that I thought a daughter is supposed to have with her father. When a man mentally abuses and berates a defenseless woman on a daily basis it is unacceptable, but when a man does that to a child it's... You get the point. When I look at my father I don't see a man that raised me, but a man that made my childhood an obstacle I had to overcome, for my sanity. Luckily, I made it through, but these days he and I are estranged. And until he can own up to his undeniable faults and approach me like an adult, then that's all we'll be. It's sad but true. I'm not as naive as I look...

She's Gotta Have It

2008-09-25T12:11:00.000-07:00

Did y'all know T-mobile is coming out with a touch screen that I believe is my future IPhone knock off? I'm on this like funk on a day laborer. Did I just say that... SMH I'm getting it...

WWW.WETWHITEPUSSY.COM

2008-09-21T20:27:00.000-07:00

NOT!!!

For the last four days I've seen this website in my address history log on my computer... My boyfriend has been patrolling this site continuously and it's starting to rub me the wrong way. Considering it's my computer and the fact that he told me that he just clicked on some email he received as junk mail. But then it hit me... The address wouldn't be in the address log unless he put it in himself. So this negro lied to me. Now, I don't have a problem with porn and my man watching it every now and then, but when it comes to him looking at pictures of the same women, WHITE WOMEN, repeatedly I take offense. PLUS has a user name... Am I tripping????

Who's Gonna Save My Soul ~ Gnarls Barkley

2008-09-20T09:22:00.000-07:00

I just saw this video for the first time a few minutes ago... And I have named this to be the best theatrical, musical, and entertaining video I have EVER seen.

I Need A Fucking Vacay!

2008-09-16T09:25:00.000-07:00

This week I'm pulling a double every day. I'm at my new job in the A.M. and the bottomless pit in the P.M.. I guess I didn't think this out to well, because last night I didn't get home and in bed until 12:30am and came to work at 4:45am the next morning. I was on time like a pro but I think I'm so tired that I actually think I'm well rested. Crazy right? Any who after this week I'm gonna need a vacation. *mentally checking my lent filled pockets* Only if I could afford it... Once again Adult Bills beats out Teenage Salary in the on going fight of my over drawn bank account. Shit is rough... I need a fucking sugar daddy. Fuck this love shit... SMH just joking! lol

Y'all know I love my Mandingo warrior

Until next time...
Gotta get back to training

Are you really THAT lame???

2008-09-15T18:18:00.000-07:00

I've always been the friend you could depend on. If a friend of mine didn't have money to eat or just hang out I'd help them out, no problem. So I figured things worked the same in return, at least with my best friend of nearly 10 years. I've had a surprise in the finance department and asked for a little help until payday which would be 4 days later. She told me it wouldn't be a problem, which I knew it wouldn't since she always has money in savings, because she doesn't have any bills. Now to my surprise it has been over a week since she has called or texted me. This wouldn't be a problem if she didn't usually call or text me everyday or call me every 3 days or so if I didn't call her back. I've called her maybe 3 or 4 during the week and haven't heard anything back... And my question to her is, "ARE YOU REALLY THAT LAME???" Now that I have fixed the problem myself, passed the day I told her I needed it by, I'm thinking she's being cut off until further notice...

Friends dropping like flies...

P.S. She just called me and apologized... Yea she's still on probation.

I Got On Top, And I Didn't Fall Off

2008-09-14T11:51:00.000-07:00

Hey Naive Readers!!!!!

I have good news! I've mastered riding the "D" In a previous post I asked for help on riding the "D" successfully in Riding The Magic Stick. Mandii Nichole of Robots Ate My Grandmother gave me a link that gave me the best visual and instructional help the web has to offer Sex Info 101. Seriously, the shit helped and my man is loving it. I wish y'all could see his face... Or maybe not but lets just say he was VERY VERY VERY pleased... lol

Ok that's all for now.
Until next time...

Why won't you pick up the phone???

2008-09-12T16:52:00.000-07:00

Pick up... Pick up! PICK UP!!!!
False alarm... My boyfriend just texted me.

My boyfriend and I have been bickering for the last week. Due to my advanced case of PMS... I can admit that I've replaced my Midol for I don't give a fuck pills in the process, so my bitchiness has been a little uncalled for. So far he has been a real trooper throughout this craziness, but today I think his patience ran very short. We had it out today right before I left for work, so I was a little on edge about how he felt about everything. So I called him when I got to work, to see if his mood was a little better. I thought he was ignoring my phone calls, and got a little scared because that's not in his character. But he texted me while I was writing this post so everything is alright.

Gay Homeless Man, WHY?

2008-09-10T21:56:00.000-07:00

OK!!!!!!

I hate working in downtown Seattle!!! There's this crazy ass young man that is talking me to death about cornbread and being denied opportunity because he can't read well. Um... then he wrote on these post-its I gave him then on his arm in symbols and told me what each one meant. He then went on to tell me that he would have to come back and ask me what they meant, in case he forgot... Then he took the post-its and shoved them in his mouth after asking me if he should eat them so no one could read them. He also talked about fashion and making clothes in some abandoned building. I know he's not all the way there, so I shouldn't speak bad about him... BUT THIS SHIT IS FUNNY AS HELL!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!

2008-09-10T12:48:00.000-07:00

I was awarded the CERTIFIED HONEST BLOGGER by Mandii Nichole of Robots Ate My Grandmother because my blog is the shit good shit is made of... (My words not her's) But it's the truth.

The Rules:

1. When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who gave it to you and link them back.

2. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in their content or design.

3. Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing them they were prized with the Honest Weblog Award.

4. Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you gave the prize to, (optional).

5. Then you pass it on.

THE GB&D MY LIFE AND TIMES BLOGSPOT

U My Sista, Girl!

Riding The Magic Stick

2008-09-09T20:38:00.000-07:00

I have always been afraid of getting on top... I always thought it would be too uncomfortable, or that my partners dick was too small to have any real reaction, so why bother? Not until recently have I ventured into this uncharted ground, and HONESTLY it was bad. I learned two things.

It's easier on the couch.
It's a workout (So a bitch can forget about the gym and stretch before conquering the almighty dick) Lesson learned.

My boyfriend seemed to love it. He's been complaining about me just laying there making noises... As if that isn't hard work. lol But then I have to remind him that THE EXTRAS, and yall know what I mean by extras, take a lot of MULTITASKING skills that I know he does not posses. That's a woman's game... With the exception of a few elite gay men. SMH... But any who, I just wonder if there are some tips that I must posses in order to last longer than 10 minutes before my legs cramp up? And If there is a rhythm I should have let a sista know.

P.S. If you didn't know I was raunchy... Now you know. lol

Mind Your Business...

2008-09-09T18:15:00.000-07:00

How much of others people's business really our business? When is it ok to intrude and force your views on someone else? I say never, but I've come to realize that everyone doesn't think the same As a growing and forever learning child of this earth I understand that we all have our flaws and we all have our own set of morals. So why pretend as if we all can and should live by the same code? What's good for me isn't guaranteed goodness for Susie or Derrick. My life is unique to me, and my struggles and obstacles are what shape my opinions and values. So every time I hear someone comment on the way someone lives their life, whether it be sexual orientation or religious calling, it rubs me the wrong way. How can someone expect other people to live by the same morals and guidelines you've set FOR YOURSELF?

I've always been one to accept people for who they are as long as they aren't directly hurting anyone, because then it would be an issue for me. But I have never attempted to right a "wrong" in anyone's life. That's not my call. I'll leave that to them and their God.

Just random thoughts...

Missing A Friend... Does it get any easier?

2008-09-09T07:50:00.000-07:00

They say people come in seasons and no one is guaranteed a lifetime pass into your life. That's all fine and dandy, but what happens when you know a season was cut short? How do you bounce back from that when you know that what you felt was right went horribly wrong, way too fast? You pretend that person doesn't exist. You make yourself believe that everything is perfect and that that person was just the extra icing on the cake. You sit back and constantly count the blessing in your life to reassure yourself that everything is alright, but it isn't. You feel like there's a void in your soul that you try to fill with other people. You try to turn someone else into that person that was deleted out of your life, but they always fall short. I know this sounds super dramatic and crazy poetic... lol But these are my feelings. Nothing less, nothing more.

I miss my friend and I guess that's the last I have to say about it...

How I Spent My Friday Night...

2008-09-05T19:05:00.000-07:00

I bet the picture speaks for itself but let's dig deep to the preparation of what undoubtedly went down. First my man and I went to Mama's Kitchen, a Mexican dive up the street from my spot, and ate like heathens. After some hot ass hell salsa, two sprites and a greasy ass tamale we were off to the nearest drugstore to find a way to burn off the cheese balls they call beans. At Rite-Aid we immediately went for the condoms and found the "Pleasure Pack" on sale. Pleasure on a budget... Smh... We picked up the Mike's Hard Lemonade and some batteries and headed to the check out. I'm not feeling any shame at this point. I was just excited about the events that were going to take place. Thinking "Orgasms here I cum". Any who the cashier was this old white man that looked at my man like he wanted to say, "You should be ashamed of yourself." that was funny... So we headed back to my spot and the MINUTE I stepped into my apartment, Mama's Kitchen started WORKING on my ass in a big way. Had me on the john for 30 minutes MINIMUM, putting my evening on pause... So I jump in the shower and pushed play on my night. Nobodies KITCHEN is keeping me away from my "O".

P.S. The batteries were for the remote, it's movie night bitches!

Friendly Advice For Your Ass...

2008-09-04T22:00:00.000-07:00

A guarded heart not only makes it hard for you to love, it can make it impossible to be loved.

Truth Behind: Growing up for me wasn't easy. I had to learn at an early age to harden my heart and let daily negativity roll off my back. That shit is damaging... No matter how hard I try to deny it.

Talentless Hoe Convention Held Worldwide

2008-09-03T22:16:00.001-07:00

Maybe I'm a hater. Or maybe I just have high standards, I don't know. But what I do know; is that I'm tired of seeing these talentless hoes invading my T.V. set, radio stations, and magazines. Seriously y'all, where they find these hoes? The Talentless Hoe Convention??? I think I may have an idea what the attendee list looked like....
THIS WEEKS TALENTLESS HOE IS...

Honestly, do you really think this bitch could have walked across the Brooklyn bridge to get this man a cheesecake in the middle of the night? Naw I think he asked her and she said, "Your dick is closer, I'm better on my knees." After all the shit he put those TALENTED woman through for his little Making The Band Show you'd think his standards were better than this hoe. I guess this is personal...

I Put In My Two Weeks!!!!!!

2008-09-02T15:17:00.000-07:00

Let me start off by saying... I'M OUT THIS BITCH!!!!

In case you aren't familiar with my I HATE MY JOB post, let me fill you in. I've dealt with sexual harassment, a year without being able to take a sick day, a year without getting a LUNCH break, a bitchy ass manager (which happens to be a man), a bellman who was constantly getting away with cursing me out, and being 5 people at once and getting a kick in the ass if one of them messed up. So you know I'm TOO THROUGH with this place. I took my man's advice and stopped looking for jobs after getting the two interviews I went on last Friday. One was for a reservation/revenue supervisor at a rival hotel (which I really want!) and the other was a Starbucks cafe supervisor. Today I got the call from Starbucks that I had gotten the job. I'm still waiting on the other job to call back. That interview went so well that I couldn't imagine them not wanting to hire me... So I thought... We'll see.

I Love My Man, So He Could Never Get It

2008-09-01T22:57:00.000-07:00

I'm stealing this concept from my big brother... Sorry man I had to do it, but with a TWIST.
So this is how it works at NAIVE AT BEST: Since I love my man and his large blessings... All I can think about when I see other FINE men is "I bet he has a small dick"... So here it is, I love my man so the FINE man with the small dick can't get none.

Word has it that he's has a small penis... Oh and he also might be gay. But damn if he ain't fine...

A Change Is Coming

2008-08-30T16:37:00.000-07:00

At this time my life is changing in a drastic way. I'm in my first serious relationship that I have full FAITH in. I'm in the midst of getting a new job that will not stress me out. I'm learning to be POSITIVE about the things I truly want in life. And I'm learning to appreciate the skill and MOTIVATION I currently possess while developing and nurturing them to aide in getting the life I know I deserve. Sadly enough, my boyfriend is the source of my new positive spin on things. I've decided that the things I want are in my reach I just have to go after them. I have always sold myself short. Now Is the time to believe in myself and what I really deserve in life. I refuse to be stuck. I refuse to live at the bottom of the barrel when I know that I belong at the top. I know that no matter what market I choose to tackle in my life I'll be successful in it. Beside... Just because I call myself SILLY doesn't mean I really am...

Get your mind right.

If Work Was A Big Dick... I'd Lorena Bobbitt That Hoe

2008-08-27T09:16:00.000-07:00

The day before last a co-worker of mine, known for his obscene comments and perpetual laziness, decided that he doesn’t have to do the mindless job he's paid to do while under my watch. So the issue I have with this is that I have to pick up the slack, and what some of you already know, a GOOD bitch can't get a FUCKING break. That night I was pissed! No LIVID! THIS DUMBASS 27 YEAR OLD KID IS THE EPITOME OF BITCHASSNESS AND I'M DONE TAKING HIS LAZY- DISRESPECTING- BLAMELESS ASS SHIT ANYMORE. So after he called me a bitch and began cursing me out because I asked his lame ass to actually work and not play his POKEMON DS game, I knocked him upside the head and called my manager. BTW it was about 10:30pm. While I'm talking to my manager (also a member of the Bitch Ass Club) here comes POKEMON KID yelling over me about how he doesn’t give a fuck about this or that. Now I must remind you how things work in this bottomless pit of a hotel; almost everyone here is FILIPINO, which I am not. They stick together like my thick thighs (which I'm reducing at the moment.. hehe) and are all almost related, so this bastard wont be fired anytime soon. I've put up with this shit for a year now and now I'm out this bitch by the end of next month. I put the fear of god into my manager when I told him if POKEMON KID said one more off the wall word to me, I'm not coming back. And his bitchass knows that when I do leave (which is definite) he will be working 16hours days until he finds a qualified replacement (and can't nobody do it like me). lol Any who I'm cuttin' that HOE (DICK) OFF... in due time. I should sue them bitches when I leave too, for all those hours of not getting any breaks for a year. Yeah I'm doing it. Bye for now...

Dumb Bitches United On My Ass

2008-08-25T19:35:00.000-07:00

Dumb bitches must be conspiring against me today... When did they have this secret bitch meeting to discuss how to better piss me off today. I'm super confused because these bitches are pushing the fucking envelope and I'm about ready to push the fuck back... I feel better now. THANK YOU FOR READING.

If Work Was A Big Dick... I Still Wouldn't Suck It

2008-08-20T22:34:00.000-07:00

Here's another I hate my job installment... First let's start off with the environment. The air-conditioner in the lobby is broken yet again and I'm burning up like a pig at a luau. Not to mention we have been super busy and it's just my happy ass behind the desk. The fucking vents in the lobby have been broken since last October. Back then we were freezing our asses off, but did that make them shell out the cash to get the shit fixed? Hell no! So here I am hot off my ass and ready to say fuck it all by telling our dumb ass guest what they really are... Damn I can only wish. Better than an orgasm... SMH This heat got me thinking crazy. Nothing is better than an orgasm. I need some dick. My bad off subject.

Now the people. These people are starting to piss me off. I don't think I'm PMSing, I think these people are just idiots. So I'm more than through. First there are these dumb ass people that don't understand a bargain when they see it. They come to the hotel thinking that it's the most expensive on the block at 150 a night... In Seattle? The average night runs for $280 - $340. Curse people that refuse to do a little math before stepping in this place to ask me dumb ass questions.

Well my man is calling now so I'm gonna neglect my work. Fuck them cheap ass muthafuckas!!!!
I'm no company's hoe...

A Moment of Clarity

2008-08-18T20:51:00.000-07:00

I'm learning as I live, believe me I'm learning. Hindsight is a bitch, and somebody forgot to tell me. Looking back on the past few months I've realized that my actions were inexcusable to say the least. My selfishness has blinded me to the point of denial, and that's where I've been until now. The cycle must end here. I am no longer making excuses and relying on the fact that some people may never understand me, but make the effort to understand the image I may be projecting. Now I understand that the view from the outside is just as relevant as the view from the inside. I can't explain how it all went down, but I will say that I will take my share of responsibility. I lacked empathy and I never put anyone's feelings into consideration. Not even my own boyfriends. I just brushed them off like they didn't matter, and honestly at the time I didn't think they did. I love him, but I felt like he was trying to take something away from me that I dearly cherished out of spite. I read into this situation all wrong and now I have to live with the consequences. Although healing is on the horizon, I'm feeling the damage I've caused and there's nothing I can do about it but learn from it. It feels better to be in the dark...

I Wish It Was Black & White

2008-08-17T13:55:00.000-07:00

It's been 2 days since I've talked to my boyfriend after an intense night of arguing. I know this is the kind of shock, but the shit hit the fan, and hard. We argued over the idea of having friends of the opposite sex. Naturally, I was for it since I have always had male friends, but my boyfriend found it difficult to think that another man might know as much about me as he does. While he was pleading his case only one word came to mind, INSECURE. And being the person that I am, I refused to cater to his little bruised ego, that's not my style. But after about 45 minutes into this talk-a-thon I realized that maybe everything didn't have to go my way. Maybe I should respect his feelings and move on with him from there. But not without speaking my piece. This issue may not be a reason to end a relationship with great potential but, it isn't reason enough to shut a mouth with great volume. So I had to let him know what I thinking and why. In the end I agreed to end the budding friendship that I thought would last for years. I'm not happy about it, but I guess that was a sacrifice that I had to make for the greater good, our relationship.
I decided to back up from the situation and look at it from as many perspectives as my stressed in love mind could handle. And decided to forgive him. He has a right to feel the way he feels and I'm not in any position to tell him otherwise. Over time we'll develop the trust it will take to withstand the obstacle of having friends of the opposite sex, but that day is not today, so all I can do is wait. He's worth waiting for.

Friendly Advice For Your Ass....

2008-08-11T18:02:00.000-07:00

If your man tells you to take your ex-boyfriend's number out your phone, do it with a smile.

Truth Behind: My boyfriend got a little irritated with me when I mistakenly sent a text to my ex telling him that I was thinking about him. Now I know what your thinking but hear me out. My ex-boyfriends name is right above my man's name in my address book and I just clicked on the wrong number to send the text to. What made matters worse, my ex has made it his mission to get back with me by calling every other day. None of this would have happened if I hadn't have fought my boyfriend about erasing my ex-boyfriend's numbers out my phone. Let's just say he's gotten more and more upset every time he sees my that my ex is calling me, so I'm regretting my rebellion right now. CURSE being a "STRONG" woman.

Work-out Punk-out

2008-08-10T17:42:00.000-07:00

So a few weeks ago I started on my weight loss journey and well.... That's as far as I got. I've been MIA from the gym for about 4 days and I'm not really caring. But I'll be damned if I'm gonna pay that 45 a month and not go. My teenage salary has seen to many hits as it is to go wasting money. I swear the only reason I'm losing weight is to by smaller CHEAPER clothes. You know those cheap ass stores like Forever 21 and Papaya that makes every inch of their clothing from the same thread. At least you get what you pay for right??? So this is my punk out is me using mother nature (rain) as an excuse not to go to the gym then aunt Dot to keep me away. Damn I'm just fooling myself. Why???\

I'm A Lush...

2008-08-10T16:57:00.000-07:00

I'm a lush.... I have serious problems with drinking... Well not really, but my once a month visit to Tipsyville greatly anticipated. I'm a super light-weight and get super tipsy from my first cup. I wonder why??? Maybe it's because I haven't built up my tolerance to alcohol yet, or the fact that I down my first drink in 5 minutes, but who knows. shm... And what makes things worse, I'm an under age drinker so you know what that means... No nice glasses for me, it's those plastic red cups that help wet my whistle. I have problems, but it's about that time again. SOMEBODY GET ME A DRINK!!!

Throwing My Plan B Out The Window

2008-08-02T00:27:00.000-07:00

So my new man has got me in a relationship way... I've really fallen for this man and have been showing it in new ways. I find myself thinking about him when I try not to. And talking about him when I try not to. But the biggest thing for me was cutting off my plan B's. You know those guys you keep on the bench so when things in your current relationship doesn't work out your not all broken up. I had two and well, now I have none. I've let them go and I'm really believing in this relationship and what he has to offer. I'm giving my all for the first time in my life. I just hope this shit doesn't bite me in the ass....

Friendly Advice For Your Ass...

2008-07-28T21:14:00.000-07:00

If a man is on top when you meet him, you'll be around to see him fall.

Truth Behind: For some reason every man I've dated in the past were doing good both financially and physically in the beginning, but towards the middle they would fall off a little. I'm not standing on a high horse here, because I have had my moments too, I'm just stating a fact. I don't know if I'm cursed or just plain bad luck, because after I became official with these men bad things would happen. And...they would fall, and fall HARD.

It's My Birthday, I'll Vent If I Want To...

2008-07-23T22:36:00.000-07:00

I had an ok day... Things were good after I woke up to hit the gym. Only problem I had was my sister calling me at 1am to talk about some shit she might possibly need from me in the near or far future... Nuff said? This chick only calls me when she needs something or wants somebody to bitch at. And at this point in our relationship she doesn't have any business doing either. Now I love my sister but, we could never be friends. If we were friends on some weird parallel world and we weren't sisters... I would have cut the bitch off years ago but, since she's my sister I love her in a distant cautious way. So anyway I had stopped answering her phone calls weeks ago, after she further fucked up my laptop with her carelessness, but since it's my birthday I figured she'd wish me happy birthday. Wrong AS ALL HELL assumption, she was her normal self-centered self. So right now she's on my shit-list and the bitch ain't coming down for a minute, and not the kind you want to hold your breath to. Any who, a side from that it was an ok day. I'm glad I'm 19 and in debt at the moment but bills will be paid... lol Being an adult SUCKS!!!!! But I have the sweetest boyfriend ever and family and friends that care about me in the best of ways. So I guess I'm winning, right???

Youthful Mistakes

2008-07-22T15:17:00.000-07:00

In a tough spot
Can't breathe
My need to get away
Stronger than life
Needing more time
A way to erase the minds involved
Future far from sight
Distant memory a myth
Only the present sends bricks to spine weighing me down
Holding my breath
Hurricanes in my stomach
Pain in my sight
Why don't I listen
Mimic the good
Imitate the rules play by play
Crazy were my thoughts
Fear controls my mind
I try to sweat it out
Like a cold it takes it time
There are many ways I could have prevented
There were plenty of opportunities to cover my tracks
Repeated delay
Against intelligence
How do I explain
I can't explain
I won't excuse
Or can I
I'll tell you what this is
A lesson learned
The young becoming new to adulthood
Claiming responsibly
I guess I don't know it all
I'm just a kid playing an adult game

Who said looking like a pumpkin was a good thing???

2008-07-22T12:03:00.000-07:00

I know this chick doesn't matter but, this chick keeps showing up on VH1. If I see this bitch's face one more time I SWEAR I'll vomit.... I'm not lying, I'm throwing up right now...

Friendly Advice For Your Ass...

2008-07-21T09:19:00.000-07:00

Girl, you ain't white, leave that white girl hustla alone!!!!!!

Truth Behind: A friend of mine was telling me about her wondering what a certain someone was packing in a certain spot. Now normally this wouldn't be a problem but, he is a known 'white girl hustla' a black man who ONLY dates and PLAYS white girls. I told her to forget about it. She'd have a better chance getting with a member of the KKK. Or maybe not.... lol

Found My Fitness Home!!!!!

2008-07-20T16:50:00.000-07:00

So I finally found a gym close to my apartment and reasonably priced. Most of the gyms I've been looking at, in the area, were about $75-$149 a month. And really with my teenage salary and adult bills that's pretty damn steep. So, the new place is gorgeous overlooking the water. Everyone is really laid back and there are only 1,500 members as opposed to the average big company that has maybe 10,000 members to one club. So it's never really crowded. So they say... But it's only a ten minute walk along the water for me so it's really a good look. I have an orientation with a trainer on Tuesday to see where I'm starting and how get to my goal. I really don't want to know how much I weigh but I guess it's just a number, right? So that's what's new in my weight loss journey I'll do a update twice a week. These are a few of the photos of my new gym, cute right?

Motivation for your ass!!!!

2008-07-17T14:21:00.001-07:00

My inspiration... So, I've been talking about working out and losing weight, but now I've seen LIGHT. And the LIGHT is Pam Grier, 70's edition. This is the direction I'm heading in. For now on I'll look to this picture for motivation. Here I go!!! lol

Bentley, Andre 3000, Kanye, and Sa-Ra

2008-07-17T09:49:00.000-07:00

Some new shit for your ass!!!!!

Wasteful People...

2008-07-16T21:43:00.000-07:00

I'm the nonjudgmental friend that most people need in their lives. I'm the caring, light hearted, and easy-going friend that just lets shit go and doesn't hold on to negativity. So with that said, why am I the friend that always gets put on the back burner? When I try to be a constant supporter and dependable, appreciation goes without sound. They use me then they dismiss me for flakier blameless people that let them down constantly. This isn't about one person at all, but about all the people I've been through in my lifetime. In my 19 years I've been able to hold on to 2 close friends that I can trust will always have my back. Since my family has never been the image of unconditional love I turn to my friends for that sense of security and have always given that same comfort in return. Maybe I'm too much of a giver, or I expect too much from the people I let in, but the outcome is always the same. I'm as forgettable as the girl that takes your coffee order everyday.
But I won't change the person I've become. I love the person I've become. There aren't too many people that can be as genuine and true a friend as I am....

The Chronicles of Zyelle: The Day I Met Reality

2008-07-14T20:36:00.000-07:00

This is what it feels like when reality makes it way into your fairytale world.
I never saw it coming, but anticipated it from the first glimpse of happiness I hesitantly embraced. I knew better. This pain I’m feeling, nothing could possibly compare. Nothing could shake me from this state. So I’ve chosen to write about it. To express myself in the only way I know how at this point. I’m not sure how this will grab you, but I only ask that you keep an open mind to my journey. So, here it is, my life.

I’ll start with some facts about myself first, so you know who your reading about. My full name is Jordyn Zyelle James, but everyone calls me Zyelle. I raised myself in a house full of failure and disappointment under my mother. My mother wasn’t a junkie or alcoholic. She just didn’t care enough about me to teach me about life. So I turned to the person I trusted most for guidance, myself. Sure, I’ve made some mistakes in the past and I’m sure I’m making some as I write this, but that’s life and I’m just living it. I relied on books and society to help form boundaries and a moral code I should be proud of . And I relied on my peers to help me break them. But this journal is about the here and now. The future I’m determined to face head on.

January 1,2008
Waking up today was hell. I felt like I had been dead for a decade. I just laid in bed trying to remember what happened to me yesterday, trying to match truth with the lies I’m trying to replace it with. Wondering if things are really as bad as I remember them to be. Did I really kill Tracey???
To Be Continued…..

Leave a comment and tell me what you think

Almost Lover ~ A Fine Frenzy

2008-07-14T18:14:00.000-07:00

Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy

One of my favorie songs this past year.

Real Talk: Let Your Guard Down

2008-07-11T20:51:00.000-07:00

What to do
What to do
He says all the right things
His actions speak volumes
What else could I want
Why is it so easy
To judge and not commit
Stay protected
Wrapped up safe
In the scars from past mistakes
And believed deceit
I pretend I hate
Thinking back to those hard times
Feeling loved in those past times
Knowing real
Now vision corrected
Hindsights a bitch
Pass the message
I see the new going in loves direction
Looking back for my acceptance
Weighed down
Thinking I need more protection
From the pain I’m sure he’ll cause
But the evidence is less than sufficient
I’m healed but holding on to those scars
As if I need proof that a battle was lost
He’s telling me he loves my flaws
He swears he’s breaking down those walls
Minute by minute I know his plan is lost
It’s up to me to open my heart
This love thing takes two
I’m sure he’ll know where to start

And the "Bitch Please Award" goes to Keyshia Cole...

2008-07-10T22:58:00.000-07:00

WTF!!! So I’ve tried my hardest to stay away from posting anything BET related, but this bitch done lost her bleached dyed mind. When I first saw this mess of a performance I muted the TV after Keyshia decided to do some old school dip it low shit. I was through with this bitch. Now, I know her voice is naturally kind of off key to begin with but this bitch was off the off keys and apparently forgot what a note was. So I give her the “Bitch Please Award” because of the way she was gigging to the song, you would think she was singing like Whitney. I’m thinking she’s smoking crack like her though. Did I just say that… And lil' Kim..... Nuff Said?

I HATE MY JOB!!!!!

2008-07-08T15:49:00.000-07:00

So I usually refrain from talking about work on here, but damn if I don't feel like calling people out right now. So, bitchassness has been running rapid through the work place and I refuse to play their game. Lately I've been the type to never talk about work once I've left. I have a smile on my face as soon as I hit the door. I vent about work maybe once a month to refresh myself for the next month, but never is it a daily thing. For some reason the majority of my co-workers like to talk shit to the manager about small things people do, when they know they've done things as well. Now, knowing this you would think I would do the same, but I have bigger things on my mind than these fools. So I take it and move the fuck on. Except for today.....

I've let this build up so bare with me. First there are these two graveyard employees that, BTW are about two hours late to relieve me at least twice a week, complain about the smallest things that they can and will fix. Everything from the morning shift being 20 minutes late to the way I write my 8's. Now when I see something wrong I fix it and let the shit go, but little did I know that this isn't a common philosophy. Then there is day shift bellman that totally crossed the line and has sexually harassed me on several occasions. Now it's my fault for not telling, but this just started last week so I'm just now getting my bearings. This is how it's gone down. So, I was dressing in the employee changing room which doesn't really have a lock if you have a key card. I was reaching for my blouse that was hung up in the closet when the door opens. I yelled that I was changing and tried to cover my chest, which is rather big, with my arms. I had a bra on that of course had cleavage, naturally. I didn't think much of it because It was the same amount of clothing as I would wear to the beach. But crazy of me to think it would be between him and I, because by the time I got downstairs to clock in every one including my managers boss knew about my failed effort to cover all of my chest. But that was the least of it. When I saw him again he said, and I quote " You look good in Lavender" (referring to my bra, which was actually magenta.) Then he went on to say, " I got off for the day". Disgusted and shocked I had to take a second think of how inappropriate in really was. So the next day I set out to speak with him on his behavior, because I am his supervisor. I asked him why he told everyone and his response was " Their just mad because they couldn't see what I saw.". Then he slapped my butt... One word, PISSED!!!!!!

Then there is this old ass white chick with three bad ass kids that decided it was a good idea to bring her kids to work. Now, had I been there in the beginning of the day I would have set boundaries for those walking energy drinks. They were running in and out of the back office and came up to the front desk to talk to her in front of customers. Can you say TACKY?!?! So, I didn't know who's kids they were when I came in to work, all I knew was that there were little kids running a muck. So I ask her " who's obnoxious kids are these?". And she said "Thanks, they're mine". This bitch had the nerve to catch an attitude with me as if I had a way of knowing they were hers. If I had I would have been a little nicer... Maybe. So anyway she tells my manager that I talk on my cell phone and work phone a lot and miss calls. Granted I do talk on the phone for maybe 15-25 minutes while I still have help because after 6pm theres only me to tend to over 200 guest and incoming calls with no breaks, so if a bitch wants to talk for a minute then let a bitch talk. I never complain when these fools take five 10min smoke breaks in a 3hour span. That's not my thing because I know that I have my ways as well. Somehow these hoes fail to understand the phrase "pot calling the kettle black". Ok I'm done for now... Check back with me next month for the next venting spree.

I feel better now...

Wanted: Fantasy Phone Artist

2008-07-08T12:50:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched one of my favorite Spike Lee movies, Girl 6, and had an idea to earn a little extra cash… So I went on Craig’s List to look up ‘Fantasy Phone Artist’ openings and found a few. As curious as I am I called this morning to speak with the hiring manager and had an over the phone ‘interview’. Turns out my voice is just what their looking for. I’m thinking they say that to everybody, until they tell me that if I didn’t get any request after the initial set up that I would be released. Who knew it could be so competitive?

The fantasy phone company works very similar to the independent system homegirl in Girl 6 had. Finding that out I couldn’t help but imagine a crazy ass Italian dude at the phone booth down the street yelling in the phone that he was going to fuck me up. My scary ass got spooked and told the lady thanks but no, I’d rather brave against hot grease from the fry stand at the stadium. Which I wouldn’t do either, unless they were paying 20/hr plus benefits.

Needless to say, I’m not bold enough to be a fantasy phone artist, but I might do some volunteer work for man my when I’m too far from reach…

Negative Thoughts

2008-07-03T14:14:00.000-07:00

When nothing turns out right
Time stands still
Forcing you to soak up every failed choice and action
Depending on your status
There might be an audience
Anxiously waiting for your predicted demise

When love turns its back on you
Gravity pulls you closer
Whispering in your ear ever so gently
To crave it
To need it
And its just your luck the heart you’ve selected is open
Just not to you

When your money is funny
Your sadly depressed
Your world is in shit and the stench keeps you seconds from breath
Professional help is far down your list
The price you’d pay is more than your rent
So you max out your credit
And pretend those bills don’t exist
Living the “American Dream”
It sucks
Life’s a bitch…

Little Jackie... I Iike this chick

2008-07-03T09:35:00.000-07:00

Black Barbie - Little Jackie

NO MORE TRAGIC TRANNYS!!!!!!

2008-07-01T12:49:00.000-07:00

So, I’ve had this annoying reality on my mind for the past couple of weeks. The reality I speak of is my current fascination of the horrid Tragic Tranny. After years of seeing talk shows and docudramas of cross dressing men and women explaining their plight, I’ve been pretty accepting and encouraging to the concept.
Now, I have nothing against men dressing up as women, it’s when they half ass it that bothers me. Seriously, if it’s your passion and you’ve felt the woman inside of you your whole life then take pride in your appearance, because that’s what its all about right. If your everyday fight in life is going against the grain; why would you not be the best you, you can be? I mean I see butch lesbians all the time that fool the hell out of me. Read a fashion magazine or watch some Next Top model for tips, because nothings worse than a tranny with fucked up make up and a Britney Spears weave. If it wasn’t a good look on her, then what makes you think you can pull it off??? That’s like seeing a stud with a push up bra. Really I’m not saying they have to look their best everyday all day, but make the effort. Let me know what your hinting at, don’t look like a cracked out clown and say you’re a woman on the inside out. Where’s Rupaul when you need her/him???? I thought that’s how a cross dresser was supposed to look, fabulous?I know this Wendy Williams and I know she is presumed to be a woman, but I'm not convinced. She's a good example of a great tranny...

Gnarls Barkley ~ Going On Video!!!!

2008-06-27T10:13:00.000-07:00

I love this song. This song is off of their newest album The Odd Couple. This album took some getting use to, but now I love it. I can truly appreciate what they have to offer the music game.

Goldie Thoughts Part 2

2008-06-26T20:52:00.000-07:00

So the extremist gave me a call a few days ago, to plead his case. I was more than surprised when I saw his number run across my phone. Not that he called me but, that he called me so soon after his dramatic departure.

If you didn’t read the first Goldie Thoughts you may be a little lost, but let me give you a little recap. The extremist and I were talking about various social issues until we stumbled along the sensitive subject of gay people adopting kids. The conversation came to an abrupt stop after the many insulting remarks towards my intelligence for being so “open” to the parenting style of same sex parents. Needless to say, it didn’t end well, so it was easy for me to let his intolerant ass go. So not only was I surprised he called, but overly annoyed, but being that I’m such a nice person I decided to give him a chance to explain himself. Or give me a chance to tell him off, which ever came first...

I was my civil and understanding self until he tried to force his opinions on me once again. I told him that if he couldn’t accept my opinion for what it is, just my opinion, then he would have to lose my number. Silly of me to think that an ultimatum would encourage a man to do the right thing, I know better than that. So, like I predicted, he blew up and in return I hung up on his lame ass. Now I know why men want a woman who lacks a strong mind. It’s too frustrating to mentally mold a woman who knows who she is and what she stands for.

MSG TO THE EXTREMIST: Is it really that serious???

Nothing Wrong With a Little Head on Sunday...

2008-06-22T21:10:00.000-07:00

I'm sure the title speaks volumes by itself, but let me elaborate...

Lately I've been thinking about double standards of sexuality and how it may have affected my sexual behavior. Society has tricked women into thinking that sexual freedom is only accessible to men, leaving us confused about where we stand morally if we go beyond those boundaries. Personally, I never believed it affected me until I found myself telling a little white lie to a friend/w benefits about my "experience level". Without thinking I told him that I hadn't done certain things subconsciously hoping he would see me with as innocent. Seriously, who did I think I was fooling? I mean I have a FWB, how virginal is that? Realizing what I had done I knew I had to check myself. It's unhealthy to have a negative stance on my own sexuality. So I had to get over myself and remind myself that only I can decide if I've gone too far or been too "free". And I've decided to be true to myself and not deprive myself from pleasure. So that's what I've done. Hints the title... Because there’s nothing wrong with a little head on Sunday... In fact it's the best there is.

Lil Mama and T-Pain

2008-06-21T18:36:00.000-07:00

I'm really feeling this shit. I'm not really a Lil Mama fan but I like it. Plus her hair is always on point so I'm not hating. Only if she would stop dressing like a circus clown...

Goldie Thoughts..?

2008-06-21T00:24:00.000-07:00

In the course of a month I’ve been with a man who lacked opinions and insight, and a man who had too much of both. I’ve come to the conclusion that the world is made of two types of people; extremists who always seem to find a way to go a mile when only an inch is necessary, and moderates who keep things to the minimal and simple. And neither of them are a fit for me. The ’simple’ man bored me and the extremist annoyed me. I guess I can say that I’m Goldie Thoughts, I’m looking for a man who’s beliefs and thoughts are JUST right.

Earlier in the week my extremist decided my views on same-sex parents were so unacceptable that he couldn’t associate with someone like me. Now I’m a strong woman with strong views, but I understand the necessity of accepting opinions that differ from my own. I strongly believe in minding my own business. So to me a subject like this seriously isn’t on my top five reasons the world is ending. All I’ll say on the subject is; as long as the child is safe, loved, nurtured, and healthy it doesn’t matter who raises them or how. Make the most out of life and spread the love, no matter who you are. So with that said I was a little upset by his reaction, but I let it and him go in the same breath.

MSG To The Extremist: Get it together brotha.

Jilly From Philly!!!

2008-06-20T23:03:00.000-07:00

Ok so I know this song has been out since last summer, but I just now found this video for one of my favorite songs. Haters stay back and watch from the distance. lol. Any way I love this song, but I want one for Crown Royal. Now that's my shit. I'm putting that on my page next, as soon as I find out how.

Can I Borrow a dollar...?

2008-06-18T18:05:00.000-07:00

Just when you think that there aren't any kind people roaming the earth, a stranger lends you a hand. Earlier in the day, I was running short on time to eat before I had to head over to work, so I dashed out to the taco spot around the corner for a quick bite. In a rush I grabbed what I thought was around 9 or 10 dollars from my wallet, only to find out at the cashier it was only 7 dollars. Normally this would have been fine except my food, which had already been cooked and waiting for me to dig my mouth into, was a little over 8 bucks. While I was searching for change in my coat pocket, a man behind me signaled to the cashier to put my order on his card. Feeling like a fool I thanked him and left. Even at this moment, I'm not sure how I feel, which made me realize that me being on the receiving end of an act of kindness happens few and far in between. The man was a nice looking white man, who I think I may have seen around the way, but have never spoken to. Although this is merely insignificant, it made my day in an odd way. Almost gave me hope for man kind. Until I walked home and saw a homeless man sleeping in front of a high end spa, being ignored by every Paris and Nikki wannabe entering the salon for $80 manicures. The world is truly whacked.

SMS: A true situation of perpetual bad endings...

2008-06-14T18:18:00.000-07:00

This shit is crazy! So I’m chilling in bed and get a ding from my blackberry, MESSAGE!!! It was a text from a woman who claimed to be a friend of my homeboy's girlfriend. Now, being that I have a lot of male friends I’m used to the occasional jealous girlfriend text or call asking who I am and what I am to their man, but never from a friend of the girl. I'm not some rude hussy so I can indulge their curiosity if they're respectful. And she was, in the beginning. Then the shit turned all the way south. She said some rude shit, and you know when you speak to a fool you become one, so in return I bitched up my delivery. Wrong move for me since I’m not the confrontational type, thank God it was over text! Needless to say it didn't end well so I told my homeboy to control his shit and talk to his girl immediately. A true situation of perpetual bad endings.
Moral of the story, don’t answer a text that you know is going to strip you of your dignity. And ladies, if you see a number in your man’s phone don’t call the woman, especially if he’s sleeping in your bed at night. You should be able to talk to him about anything.

Your on the "Down Low", seriously..????

2008-06-11T15:15:00.000-07:00

This post is not about gay men open to the world or gay men not so open, but about men who claim heterosexual lives in the light and participate in homosexual activities in the dark.

For those who aren’t familiar:
“Down low” (definition) - men who have sex with other men as well as women and who do not identify as gay or bisexual

Although this hasn’t hit home personally for me I cant help but be a little paranoid when I meet someone new. There are so many men around me these days being kicked out of the closet for everyone to gawk at. Men I would have never even thought were cheaters, have been exposed by their wives and girlfriends. It’s scary to believe that I could think I’m in a meaningful relationship only to find out my man is not only cheating on me but cheating on me with a man. As if relationship aren’t hard as it is, we have to add this possible dilemma to the laundry list of things to watch for. Being the worrier that I am I can’t help but wonder what I would do if I found out that the man I was dating was having sex with men on the low.

So to help me feel like I’m not alone on this I have a couple of questions for you ladies, and gentlemen if you choose to answer.

The Image of Me

2008-06-10T13:32:00.000-07:00

Can I help you understand
I’m exactly what you see
I’m not some deep intellectual soul that drops wisdom inclined knowledge on a daily basis
I don’t think before I speak
I blurt out the first thing that graces my brain
I don’t complete most things I start
I procrastinate until it’s often too late
I’m not this remarkable being that handles every situation delicately and precise
I try to avoid stable solutions in fear that they might take more time and patience than I’m wiling to give
I’m not always considerate of anyone’s feelings
Because I’ve always had to protect and control my own
I don’t know a little of anything
I pretend and feed my ego those mouth watering lies it craves so much
I’m not who I appear to be
I’m someone else
Someone less appealing
Someone worth the love but with extreme caution
This is me
I’m nothing less
Nothing more than
The image I wish to be
The person you see in me

Interracial dating: Since when are stereotypes important factors in relationships???

2008-06-10T09:34:00.000-07:00

Living in Seattle I've seen more interracial couples, black men with white women, than black couples over the age of 18. Being the person that I am I tend to look at life in a broad view from as many perspectives as possible. So, the first thought that comes to my mind is that people can love whoever, whenever, and however they choose, as long as its love that their after. But that's not always the case. Throughout the years I have asked black men why they prefer women outside of their race, and sad enough I've gotten quite similar and negative respones towards black women. Based off of the feedback I've received over the years it has come to my attention that black men think we are too much to handle mentally. For some reason a large sum of black men in Seattle believe the negative stereotypes forced upon black women and stay clear of us like the plaque. But like all issues there are always two ends of the spectrum. So, I wont shy away from the fact there are also black women who stay clear of black men based on similar stereotypes. What I have to ask is; if black men believe stereotypes about black women is it fair to trust in the stereotypes of black men? Or should we be above the cuff and treat them on an individual basis? Isn't it crazy for black people to believe the stereotypes that where created and promoted by the majority to break us down, then run to them for safety and guidance? Is it self hate?

Am I playin myself..?

2008-06-09T22:43:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about the whole personal blogger thing and whether or not I've crossed a line at some point. I've always been a secretive person towards people I'm familiar with, but have always been able to share things with strangers easily. Why? I don't know, but what I do know is that sharing small parts of my life with my blog and it's readers has given me a new outlet to clear my mind. But what I'm unsure about are the lines I may cross by exposing too much or offending too many people by my views. It's good to find that happy medium, but I might need help defining those lines. Thoughts?

Dear Amy... Why!!!

2008-06-08T20:45:00.000-07:00

Amy Winehouse was caught on tape yet again drugged out, but this time she was singing a children's song adding racist lyrics instead of the " head, shoulders, knees and toes" we all know. At this point I'm just about tired of her sob stories. She really needs to get her shit together and finish her next album, because right now that's about all she has to offer the world.

Serena Williams!!!!! Ebony Spread...

2008-06-08T19:13:00.000-07:00

I see you...

SMS: We need to end this...

2008-06-08T16:52:00.000-07:00

I'm not the most confrontational, period. I try to avoid conflict verbally with people all the time, unless it’s planned and delayed. I'm one of those people that always have something to say as soon as the person leaves, but can't get it out on the spot. So breaking up, for me, is REALLY hard to do. Over the past week I've been contemplating whether or not to end things with a man that has his share of pros and cons. Thanks to some of you guys I've been able to look at my situation from different perspectives, and make my decision with real peace of mind. So I've decided to break things off with him and be single for a while. I thought about just using him for what he's good at, the goods, but really had a hard time forgetting about his feelings. And I'm not one to be led on so I didn't want to lead him on either; I'm not that kind of girl. But to get to the point of this blog…
It’s not the fact that I broke up with him, but that I broke up with him Britany spears style, through a text. Now I know that’s a little fucked up and I feel bad, but if you knew him and what he could do to a woman’s body then you would do the same. When I see him my knees start to get weak and other things start to activate… lol but I know yall know what I mean. Well, I hope you do… So I guess this is me justifying my actions…

Just A Little Tipsy...

2008-06-06T21:37:00.000-07:00

When I'm a little inebriated things become a little clearer. Choices I've made in the pass few weeks have been down right silly peppered with some maturity and tact, but just a dash. And what I’ve decided to cap off my week with is this thought... I want some dick and I want to be single... That sounds bad... Right?

So.. It's 2am And I'm STILL @ work.... WTF!!!!!

2008-06-06T02:06:00.000-07:00

So I'm used to staying on average 20 to 45 minutes late but today draws the last fucking straw. It's been 3 hours since I was supposed to be off................. FUCK!!!!!

So you can stimulate my body, what about my mind..?

2008-06-05T17:16:00.000-07:00

What do you do when the infatuation phase is over, and you realize the same person that gave you multiple orgasms can’t engage in an intellect driven conversation?

I need help with this…

Hello..? - The one that got away...

2008-06-04T11:31:00.000-07:00

Last night I got a call at 1am from a man I've always seen myself with in the long term but, have failed to seal the deal. Answering the phone in my slumber I started to say “You ain't getting no ass", but that wasn't the root of his call. For a year now our relationship has been strained, which I take full responsibility for but, I refuse to accept the inevitable. Back when things were fresh and bruises had yet to surface we talked daily, saw each other only days apart, and shared an understanding that only we could comprehend. Now a days I only see him in pictures, talk to him only when our windows of convenience overlap, and I'm confused more than ever about where I stand with him. He's the man I compare every helpless man I meet to. This in return makes it almost impossible for me to be satisfied by anyone else. He’s the man that got away. He has the brains I love and the Mandingo qualities I need. But to get back to the point, he wanted to talk about us and where he wished we could be. I was completely shocked; overly stunned to hear him say the very words I’ve waited to here since I laid eyes on him. Then it hit me… Doubts and regrets of the past came to mind and made me wonder if I was even ready to move forward with him and really love him the way he deserves. Now that I’ve matured since my initial fuck up I’ve come to the realization that I’m not ready for a serious “meaningful” relationship. I have all kinds of things I need to work out on my own in order to make it to that maturity level. So I’ve learned not to be so selfish and put his feeling above my own. And even though I want to be with him, badly, I will wait until I know I can give him 100%. I just hope he’ll wait…

I'm nervous yall... Obama's in to win, then what..?

2008-06-04T09:36:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up to the news that Obama won the democratic nomination... We all saw it coming, but today here it is!!! Although I’ve been the main supporter of optimism when it comes down to the final play and he wins the election, I'm still nervous as hell. Thinking about all the good he can do and a change finally coming into play makes me excited and anxious all at once. The possibilities are endless... that's what I'm afraid of…

My not so secret power... super expanding strength..?

2008-06-03T16:13:00.000-07:00

So right now my body has been stretched to the utmost and I plan to shrink it over the next 5 to 6 months. Right now I'm looking for a diet and a workout regimen that makes sense to me and my body. I've been searching. And now its time to crack down on this. Because nothing is worse than seeing somebody you don't particularly like from your high school years when your not at your best. And I need to be on top of my shit. So I'm getting into this and will be recording why struggle through this ordeal. Wish me luck...

Ok I'm late but Britney Spears's Blackout is... good

2008-06-03T13:07:00.000-07:00

Let me start off by saying I'm not ashamed! This shit is hot. I heard it for the first time yesterday and was seriously impressed. I mean we all know the crazy bitch can't sing but she's doing her thing and I'm not mad at it. When this album came out she was really at the height of her tomfoolery but now she's starting to get her shit together and I'm glad. But Brit, when are you going to tend to your damn WEAVE!!!

You aint on my mind.... I'm thinkin bout paychecks

2008-06-03T01:07:00.000-07:00

Why is there always somebody posted in the wings waiting for you to get some insight and a new positive direction to come and fuck it up. I mean I left the house yesterday with my mind right for real. Told myself to leave the stress behind and focus on my finals coming up and staying enthusiastic about work. I was doing good too. I'm still doing good, but damn if that bitch didn't try to take me off my square. I'm sitting at work writing a post when this bitch called herself blowing up my phone with calls and a text. Curious as I am I wondered what could be so urgent. So I text her back... And do you know what this chick wanted? Something that wouldn't concern her if I was doing it in front of her. I'm not going to say what it was about, but lets just say it wouldn't make or break either of our day. What bothers me the most is when people don't know their place in my life and start stretching their boundaries. Seriously WTF!!! If I'm not thinking about you... Then it's only fair you keep me out your thoughts especially if it's negative.

Sex and the City!!!!!

2008-06-02T15:22:00.000-07:00

I saw this movie with my best girl and let me tell you, they were giving it to us!!! The fashion was FIERCE! They looked like they had come right off the runway and into the screen to give us the performance we were waiting for. The performance I was waiting for since the finale almost four years ago. I laughed, cried and really felt for each moment. Whether it was confusion or disappointment. Maybe it's because I'm an emotional person or because I've followed this story since it first debuted on HBO in 98'. Right now I'm truly understanding the the die hard Star Trek fan... Well maybe not that deep, but let me tell you, I was there. And they were giving it to me! And it was BIG! Speaking of big, Jennifer Hudson did her thang! She has successfully picked two great movie roles without having to degrade herself in order to make a buck. PLUS... She looked GOOD at the premiere.

Today is a new day!!!!!

2008-06-02T13:22:00.000-07:00

I am really feeling "the good". I mean I feel fresh and new out here. My life is still the same. My obstacles are still the same, but my outlook has changed. I'm not seeing the problems anymore I'm seeing the future. I'm seeing my future and what I know I can bring out of myself to contribute to the world! This is me! This is it, this is who I am, and no one is going to take me off my square. So here I am.... Feeling "the good".

When is it time to call it quits????

2008-06-02T00:52:00.000-07:00

I've been seeing this guy for a about a month now and I'm starting to get that itch. I don't know why I get this itch so early The average person gets this itch after the first 6 months, not the first six weeks. Is there something wrong with me? It's like I have the relationship attention span of a man. I get bored, irritated, and frustrated. I think in the past week I've broken up with him three times. Over the phone... And in a text. as fucked up as I've been I might as well have broken up with him on a post-it! A POST-IT!!!! I would have never thought I'd be this girl. I want to be able to be satisfied in a relationship. I want to be able to be calm and content with a comfortable routine. But right now that's not me. And I'm guessing, to be able to have all those things and feel content I have to do a lot of work on myself. Fix my mind. Make sure I know what I'm doing before I go messing with a another mans spirit, because I know I've taken the spirit and smile from a man. I just need to stop...

The less productive I become, the less I start to care

2008-06-01T20:26:00.000-07:00

Things are moving extremely slow for me these days. Usually I'm upset at how fast everything is, but the alternative is dismal. I can't believe my life has become so routine that I'm searching for ways to shake it up. And nothing that's shaken too much ends well. It's almost border line destructive to say the least. I find myself being one of those people that starts arguments for the thrill of the fight. Being real loose with my mouth. How am I going to get through this??? I need to nip this shit in the bud before these people I've been abusing start pushing back.

Day to day....

2008-05-27T00:25:00.000-07:00

Seems like i'm walkng around with the same thoughts as yesterday... There's nothng new on my mind. Yea... this sucks.

New to the city

2008-04-14T15:44:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was interesting... I just moved to downtown Seattle a week ago and love it!!! Everything is so old and full of character. Even though I've lived in Seattle my whole life i feel like I'm looking through new eyes and really appreciating my situation.

Silly Brown Eyed Girl....

2008-04-09T20:27:00.000-07:00

So, life is crazy right now... Because I made it this way. I have a love/hate relationship with my current job. Dealing with grouchy arrogant guest and bossing people around in the oh so fatal passive aggressive way. I have a man thinking I'm the one he needs to spend the rest of his life with. An ex using me as his sole support system through rehab... By the way, I totally bailed on him and now I'm feeling real shitty. I'm not taking the class load I need to finish school fastest. I keep saying I'm gonna get my shit together and make my adult life peaceful and productive but with good head and great friends added into the mix.

scared of pussy..?

2008-04-09T18:30:00.001-07:00

Never in my life did I think I would cross paths with a more dissatisfying discovery as I did 3 weeks ago. I have HEARD of men who refused to go down, but never a man who was afraid to touch it. The minute I discovered that this horrifying "condition" would affect me personally (sexually) I decided to get to the root of the problem... Mommy issues... We talked, talked, and talked some more. Unveiling his deepest darkest fears and regrets about his "mother"... Needless to say after hearing his woman hating baggage I wasn't too sure I wanted him near my funbox.