Hello..? - The one that got away...

Last night I got a call at 1am from a man I've always seen myself with in the long term but, have failed to seal the deal. Answering the phone in my slumber I started to say “You ain't getting no ass", but that wasn't the root of his call. For a year now our relationship has been strained, which I take full responsibility for but, I refuse to accept the inevitable. Back when things were fresh and bruises had yet to surface we talked daily, saw each other only days apart, and shared an understanding that only we could comprehend. Now a days I only see him in pictures, talk to him only when our windows of convenience overlap, and I'm confused more than ever about where I stand with him. He's the man I compare every helpless man I meet to. This in return makes it almost impossible for me to be satisfied by anyone else. He’s the man that got away. He has the brains I love and the Mandingo qualities I need. But to get back to the point, he wanted to talk about us and where he wished we could be. I was completely shocked; overly stunned to hear him say the very words I’ve waited to here since I laid eyes on him. Then it hit me… Doubts and regrets of the past came to mind and made me wonder if I was even ready to move forward with him and really love him the way he deserves. Now that I’ve matured since my initial fuck up I’ve come to the realization that I’m not ready for a serious “meaningful” relationship. I have all kinds of things I need to work out on my own in order to make it to that maturity level. So I’ve learned not to be so selfish and put his feeling above my own. And even though I want to be with him, badly, I will wait until I know I can give him 100%. I just hope he’ll wait…