My Lady B Is Gone

My grandmother passed almost two weeks ago. We had her rosary and funeral last week. I still don't know what I'm feeling. every time I think about her big brown eyes and unmeasurable love, I stop myself. Why? I have no clue. I'm afraid to really feel anything. I'm afraid that if I touch on my pain, my guilt or my heart that I'll be stuck. I'll be stuck in the same state of shock that captured my body when I was told that she was gone. I'll never be able to explain. My grandmother was my rock. I knew who she was before I knew myself. I'm glad she's not in pain anymore. I guess it's only fair that her physical pain was exchanged for my internal pain.