I Got On Top, And I Didn't Fall Off

Hey Naive Readers!!!!!

I have good news! I've mastered riding the "D" In a previous post I asked for help on riding the "D" successfully in Riding The Magic Stick. Mandii Nichole of Robots Ate My Grandmother gave me a link that gave me the best visual and instructional help the web has to offer Sex Info 101. Seriously, the shit helped and my man is loving it. I wish y'all could see his face... Or maybe not but lets just say he was VERY VERY VERY pleased... lol

Ok that's all for now.
Until next time...

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Why won't you pick up the phone???

Pick up... Pick up! PICK UP!!!!
False alarm... My boyfriend just texted me.

My boyfriend and I have been bickering for the last week. Due to my advanced case of PMS... I can admit that I've replaced my Midol for I don't give a fuck pills in the process, so my bitchiness has been a little uncalled for. So far he has been a real trooper throughout this craziness, but today I think his patience ran very short. We had it out today right before I left for work, so I was a little on edge about how he felt about everything. So I called him when I got to work, to see if his mood was a little better. I thought he was ignoring my phone calls, and got a little scared because that's not in his character. But he texted me while I was writing this post so everything is alright.

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A Moment of Clarity

I'm learning as I live, believe me I'm learning. Hindsight is a bitch, and somebody forgot to tell me. Looking back on the past few months I've realized that my actions were inexcusable to say the least. My selfishness has blinded me to the point of denial, and that's where I've been until now. The cycle must end here. I am no longer making excuses and relying on the fact that some people may never understand me, but make the effort to understand the image I may be projecting. Now I understand that the view from the outside is just as relevant as the view from the inside. I can't explain how it all went down, but I will say that I will take my share of responsibility. I lacked empathy and I never put anyone's feelings into consideration. Not even my own boyfriends. I just brushed them off like they didn't matter, and honestly at the time I didn't think they did. I love him, but I felt like he was trying to take something away from me that I dearly cherished out of spite. I read into this situation all wrong and now I have to live with the consequences. Although healing is on the horizon, I'm feeling the damage I've caused and there's nothing I can do about it but learn from it. It feels better to be in the dark...

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I Wish It Was Black & White

It's been 2 days since I've talked to my boyfriend after an intense night of arguing. I know this is the kind of shock, but the shit hit the fan, and hard. We argued over the idea of having friends of the opposite sex. Naturally, I was for it since I have always had male friends, but my boyfriend found it difficult to think that another man might know as much about me as he does. While he was pleading his case only one word came to mind, INSECURE. And being the person that I am, I refused to cater to his little bruised ego, that's not my style. But after about 45 minutes into this talk-a-thon I realized that maybe everything didn't have to go my way. Maybe I should respect his feelings and move on with him from there. But not without speaking my piece. This issue may not be a reason to end a relationship with great potential but, it isn't reason enough to shut a mouth with great volume. So I had to let him know what I thinking and why. In the end I agreed to end the budding friendship that I thought would last for years. I'm not happy about it, but I guess that was a sacrifice that I had to make for the greater good, our relationship.
I decided to back up from the situation and look at it from as many perspectives as my stressed in love mind could handle. And decided to forgive him. He has a right to feel the way he feels and I'm not in any position to tell him otherwise. Over time we'll develop the trust it will take to withstand the obstacle of having friends of the opposite sex, but that day is not today, so all I can do is wait. He's worth waiting for.

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Throwing My Plan B Out The Window

So my new man has got me in a relationship way... I've really fallen for this man and have been showing it in new ways. I find myself thinking about him when I try not to. And talking about him when I try not to. But the biggest thing for me was cutting off my plan B's. You know those guys you keep on the bench so when things in your current relationship doesn't work out your not all broken up. I had two and well, now I have none. I've let them go and I'm really believing in this relationship and what he has to offer. I'm giving my all for the first time in my life. I just hope this shit doesn't bite me in the ass....

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Goldie Thoughts Part 2

So the extremist gave me a call a few days ago, to plead his case. I was more than surprised when I saw his number run across my phone. Not that he called me but, that he called me so soon after his dramatic departure.

If you didn’t read the first Goldie Thoughts you may be a little lost, but let me give you a little recap. The extremist and I were talking about various social issues until we stumbled along the sensitive subject of gay people adopting kids. The conversation came to an abrupt stop after the many insulting remarks towards my intelligence for being so “open” to the parenting style of same sex parents. Needless to say, it didn’t end well, so it was easy for me to let his intolerant ass go. So not only was I surprised he called, but overly annoyed, but being that I’m such a nice person I decided to give him a chance to explain himself. Or give me a chance to tell him off, which ever came first...

I was my civil and understanding self until he tried to force his opinions on me once again. I told him that if he couldn’t accept my opinion for what it is, just my opinion, then he would have to lose my number. Silly of me to think that an ultimatum would encourage a man to do the right thing, I know better than that. So, like I predicted, he blew up and in return I hung up on his lame ass. Now I know why men want a woman who lacks a strong mind. It’s too frustrating to mentally mold a woman who knows who she is and what she stands for.

MSG TO THE EXTREMIST: Is it really that serious???

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Goldie Thoughts..?

In the course of a month I’ve been with a man who lacked opinions and insight, and a man who had too much of both. I’ve come to the conclusion that the world is made of two types of people; extremists who always seem to find a way to go a mile when only an inch is necessary, and moderates who keep things to the minimal and simple. And neither of them are a fit for me. The ’simple’ man bored me and the extremist annoyed me. I guess I can say that I’m Goldie Thoughts, I’m looking for a man who’s beliefs and thoughts are JUST right.

Earlier in the week my extremist decided my views on same-sex parents were so unacceptable that he couldn’t associate with someone like me. Now I’m a strong woman with strong views, but I understand the necessity of accepting opinions that differ from my own. I strongly believe in minding my own business. So to me a subject like this seriously isn’t on my top five reasons the world is ending. All I’ll say on the subject is; as long as the child is safe, loved, nurtured, and healthy it doesn’t matter who raises them or how. Make the most out of life and spread the love, no matter who you are. So with that said I was a little upset by his reaction, but I let it and him go in the same breath.

MSG To The Extremist: Get it together brotha.

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SMS: A true situation of perpetual bad endings...

This shit is crazy! So I’m chilling in bed and get a ding from my blackberry, MESSAGE!!! It was a text from a woman who claimed to be a friend of my homeboy's girlfriend. Now, being that I have a lot of male friends I’m used to the occasional jealous girlfriend text or call asking who I am and what I am to their man, but never from a friend of the girl. I'm not some rude hussy so I can indulge their curiosity if they're respectful. And she was, in the beginning. Then the shit turned all the way south. She said some rude shit, and you know when you speak to a fool you become one, so in return I bitched up my delivery. Wrong move for me since I’m not the confrontational type, thank God it was over text! Needless to say it didn't end well so I told my homeboy to control his shit and talk to his girl immediately. A true situation of perpetual bad endings.
Moral of the story, don’t answer a text that you know is going to strip you of your dignity. And ladies, if you see a number in your man’s phone don’t call the woman, especially if he’s sleeping in your bed at night. You should be able to talk to him about anything.

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So you can stimulate my body, what about my mind..?

What do you do when the infatuation phase is over, and you realize the same person that gave you multiple orgasms can’t engage in an intellect driven conversation?

I need help with this…

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Hello..? - The one that got away...

Last night I got a call at 1am from a man I've always seen myself with in the long term but, have failed to seal the deal. Answering the phone in my slumber I started to say “You ain't getting no ass", but that wasn't the root of his call. For a year now our relationship has been strained, which I take full responsibility for but, I refuse to accept the inevitable. Back when things were fresh and bruises had yet to surface we talked daily, saw each other only days apart, and shared an understanding that only we could comprehend. Now a days I only see him in pictures, talk to him only when our windows of convenience overlap, and I'm confused more than ever about where I stand with him. He's the man I compare every helpless man I meet to. This in return makes it almost impossible for me to be satisfied by anyone else. He’s the man that got away. He has the brains I love and the Mandingo qualities I need. But to get back to the point, he wanted to talk about us and where he wished we could be. I was completely shocked; overly stunned to hear him say the very words I’ve waited to here since I laid eyes on him. Then it hit me… Doubts and regrets of the past came to mind and made me wonder if I was even ready to move forward with him and really love him the way he deserves. Now that I’ve matured since my initial fuck up I’ve come to the realization that I’m not ready for a serious “meaningful” relationship. I have all kinds of things I need to work out on my own in order to make it to that maturity level. So I’ve learned not to be so selfish and put his feeling above my own. And even though I want to be with him, badly, I will wait until I know I can give him 100%. I just hope he’ll wait…

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When is it time to call it quits????

I've been seeing this guy for a about a month now and I'm starting to get that itch. I don't know why I get this itch so early The average person gets this itch after the first 6 months, not the first six weeks. Is there something wrong with me? It's like I have the relationship attention span of a man. I get bored, irritated, and frustrated. I think in the past week I've broken up with him three times. Over the phone... And in a text. as fucked up as I've been I might as well have broken up with him on a post-it! A POST-IT!!!! I would have never thought I'd be this girl. I want to be able to be satisfied in a relationship. I want to be able to be calm and content with a comfortable routine. But right now that's not me. And I'm guessing, to be able to have all those things and feel content I have to do a lot of work on myself. Fix my mind. Make sure I know what I'm doing before I go messing with a another mans spirit, because I know I've taken the spirit and smile from a man. I just need to stop...

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