Recession Hurtin Like A Bitch

Where the hell I been!!??!?!?!? Clearly living life. I've been so busy living it that I forgot to record the shit right. Better late than never, right? Maybe not, but I'm back... Again. So I've found my calling, the medical field been screaming my name like a bitch, and I've answered. I'm enrolled in school full time and getting my application for nursing school in order. I've been working like a slave at Starbucks (hating every minute of it). I hate my job, but I've come to realize that it provides me the ability to be broke and not homeless. I've learned to pick my battles... I'm back on my weight loss journey, yet again. This time with a friend. So this seems to be IT.

I have lots to say but I don't have it in me to sit next to this urine drenched bum in the library. I'll be back on the G1.

Until next time...

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Love Letter To The Almighty "D"

Dear Mr. Almighty "D",

It's been 11 days since I've felt your goodness... You know that's too long. You know I've been waiting on your limitless love. Your sensuous touch. I know I've played my part in denying my thrust for you, but you've been hiding too. You know what you mean to me. You know what we've been through together. All those nights of unbeatable orgasmic experiences and steamy hazes, how could you deny those? How could you pretend like when you and I were intertwined that we didn't come alive. In between those seconds of breath all I can think about is what you do to me. How all I want is you inside of my being. I can't escape from you. No matter what task is in front of me I'm thinking about loving you the way I've been wanting too. I try to keep my mind on track and stay productive, but I can't. You have to be feeling this too. You have to be feeling deprived. You have to feel the same as I do. Your wanted, BAD. I can promise you that I'll do whatever it takes... I'm waiting on you.

P.S. You wont be disappointed...

Love,
SBEG

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Mind Your Business...

How much of others people's business really our business? When is it ok to intrude and force your views on someone else? I say never, but I've come to realize that everyone doesn't think the same As a growing and forever learning child of this earth I understand that we all have our flaws and we all have our own set of morals. So why pretend as if we all can and should live by the same code? What's good for me isn't guaranteed goodness for Susie or Derrick. My life is unique to me, and my struggles and obstacles are what shape my opinions and values. So every time I hear someone comment on the way someone lives their life, whether it be sexual orientation or religious calling, it rubs me the wrong way. How can someone expect other people to live by the same morals and guidelines you've set FOR YOURSELF?

I've always been one to accept people for who they are as long as they aren't directly hurting anyone, because then it would be an issue for me. But I have never attempted to right a "wrong" in anyone's life. That's not my call. I'll leave that to them and their God.

Just random thoughts...

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Missing A Friend... Does it get any easier?

They say people come in seasons and no one is guaranteed a lifetime pass into your life. That's all fine and dandy, but what happens when you know a season was cut short? How do you bounce back from that when you know that what you felt was right went horribly wrong, way too fast? You pretend that person doesn't exist. You make yourself believe that everything is perfect and that that person was just the extra icing on the cake. You sit back and constantly count the blessing in your life to reassure yourself that everything is alright, but it isn't. You feel like there's a void in your soul that you try to fill with other people. You try to turn someone else into that person that was deleted out of your life, but they always fall short. I know this sounds super dramatic and crazy poetic... lol But these are my feelings. Nothing less, nothing more.

I miss my friend and I guess that's the last I have to say about it...

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A Change Is Coming

At this time my life is changing in a drastic way. I'm in my first serious relationship that I have full FAITH in. I'm in the midst of getting a new job that will not stress me out. I'm learning to be POSITIVE about the things I truly want in life. And I'm learning to appreciate the skill and MOTIVATION I currently possess while developing and nurturing them to aide in getting the life I know I deserve. Sadly enough, my boyfriend is the source of my new positive spin on things. I've decided that the things I want are in my reach I just have to go after them. I have always sold myself short. Now Is the time to believe in myself and what I really deserve in life. I refuse to be stuck. I refuse to live at the bottom of the barrel when I know that I belong at the top. I know that no matter what market I choose to tackle in my life I'll be successful in it. Beside... Just because I call myself SILLY doesn't mean I really am...

Get your mind right.

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Wasteful People...

I'm the nonjudgmental friend that most people need in their lives. I'm the caring, light hearted, and easy-going friend that just lets shit go and doesn't hold on to negativity. So with that said, why am I the friend that always gets put on the back burner? When I try to be a constant supporter and dependable, appreciation goes without sound. They use me then they dismiss me for flakier blameless people that let them down constantly. This isn't about one person at all, but about all the people I've been through in my lifetime. In my 19 years I've been able to hold on to 2 close friends that I can trust will always have my back. Since my family has never been the image of unconditional love I turn to my friends for that sense of security and have always given that same comfort in return. Maybe I'm too much of a giver, or I expect too much from the people I let in, but the outcome is always the same. I'm as forgettable as the girl that takes your coffee order everyday.
But I won't change the person I've become. I love the person I've become. There aren't too many people that can be as genuine and true a friend as I am....

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Wanted: Fantasy Phone Artist

Last night I watched one of my favorite Spike Lee movies, Girl 6, and had an idea to earn a little extra cash… So I went on Craig’s List to look up ‘Fantasy Phone Artist’ openings and found a few. As curious as I am I called this morning to speak with the hiring manager and had an over the phone ‘interview’. Turns out my voice is just what their looking for. I’m thinking they say that to everybody, until they tell me that if I didn’t get any request after the initial set up that I would be released. Who knew it could be so competitive?

The fantasy phone company works very similar to the independent system homegirl in Girl 6 had. Finding that out I couldn’t help but imagine a crazy ass Italian dude at the phone booth down the street yelling in the phone that he was going to fuck me up. My scary ass got spooked and told the lady thanks but no, I’d rather brave against hot grease from the fry stand at the stadium. Which I wouldn’t do either, unless they were paying 20/hr plus benefits.

Needless to say, I’m not bold enough to be a fantasy phone artist, but I might do some volunteer work for man my when I’m too far from reach…

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Can I Borrow a dollar...?

Just when you think that there aren't any kind people roaming the earth, a stranger lends you a hand. Earlier in the day, I was running short on time to eat before I had to head over to work, so I dashed out to the taco spot around the corner for a quick bite. In a rush I grabbed what I thought was around 9 or 10 dollars from my wallet, only to find out at the cashier it was only 7 dollars. Normally this would have been fine except my food, which had already been cooked and waiting for me to dig my mouth into, was a little over 8 bucks. While I was searching for change in my coat pocket, a man behind me signaled to the cashier to put my order on his card. Feeling like a fool I thanked him and left. Even at this moment, I'm not sure how I feel, which made me realize that me being on the receiving end of an act of kindness happens few and far in between. The man was a nice looking white man, who I think I may have seen around the way, but have never spoken to. Although this is merely insignificant, it made my day in an odd way. Almost gave me hope for man kind. Until I walked home and saw a homeless man sleeping in front of a high end spa, being ignored by every Paris and Nikki wannabe entering the salon for $80 manicures. The world is truly whacked.

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Your on the "Down Low", seriously..????

This post is not about gay men open to the world or gay men not so open, but about men who claim heterosexual lives in the light and participate in homosexual activities in the dark.

For those who aren’t familiar:
“Down low” (definition) - men who have sex with other men as well as women and who do not identify as gay or bisexual

Although this hasn’t hit home personally for me I cant help but be a little paranoid when I meet someone new. There are so many men around me these days being kicked out of the closet for everyone to gawk at. Men I would have never even thought were cheaters, have been exposed by their wives and girlfriends. It’s scary to believe that I could think I’m in a meaningful relationship only to find out my man is not only cheating on me but cheating on me with a man. As if relationship aren’t hard as it is, we have to add this possible dilemma to the laundry list of things to watch for. Being the worrier that I am I can’t help but wonder what I would do if I found out that the man I was dating was having sex with men on the low.

So to help me feel like I’m not alone on this I have a couple of questions for you ladies, and gentlemen if you choose to answer.

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Interracial dating: Since when are stereotypes important factors in relationships???

Living in Seattle I've seen more interracial couples, black men with white women, than black couples over the age of 18. Being the person that I am I tend to look at life in a broad view from as many perspectives as possible. So, the first thought that comes to my mind is that people can love whoever, whenever, and however they choose, as long as its love that their after. But that's not always the case. Throughout the years I have asked black men why they prefer women outside of their race, and sad enough I've gotten quite similar and negative respones towards black women. Based off of the feedback I've received over the years it has come to my attention that black men think we are too much to handle mentally. For some reason a large sum of black men in Seattle believe the negative stereotypes forced upon black women and stay clear of us like the plaque. But like all issues there are always two ends of the spectrum. So, I wont shy away from the fact there are also black women who stay clear of black men based on similar stereotypes. What I have to ask is; if black men believe stereotypes about black women is it fair to trust in the stereotypes of black men? Or should we be above the cuff and treat them on an individual basis? Isn't it crazy for black people to believe the stereotypes that where created and promoted by the majority to break us down, then run to them for safety and guidance? Is it self hate?

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I'm nervous yall... Obama's in to win, then what..?

Today I woke up to the news that Obama won the democratic nomination... We all saw it coming, but today here it is!!! Although I’ve been the main supporter of optimism when it comes down to the final play and he wins the election, I'm still nervous as hell. Thinking about all the good he can do and a change finally coming into play makes me excited and anxious all at once. The possibilities are endless... that's what I'm afraid of…

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You aint on my mind.... I'm thinkin bout paychecks

Why is there always somebody posted in the wings waiting for you to get some insight and a new positive direction to come and fuck it up. I mean I left the house yesterday with my mind right for real. Told myself to leave the stress behind and focus on my finals coming up and staying enthusiastic about work. I was doing good too. I'm still doing good, but damn if that bitch didn't try to take me off my square. I'm sitting at work writing a post when this bitch called herself blowing up my phone with calls and a text. Curious as I am I wondered what could be so urgent. So I text her back... And do you know what this chick wanted? Something that wouldn't concern her if I was doing it in front of her. I'm not going to say what it was about, but lets just say it wouldn't make or break either of our day. What bothers me the most is when people don't know their place in my life and start stretching their boundaries. Seriously WTF!!! If I'm not thinking about you... Then it's only fair you keep me out your thoughts especially if it's negative.

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It's just me on here.... Right?

I know no one will ever see this on purpose, but this is me... I'm young, dumb and attracted to men full of cum.... No, not really. Only on my off time... Right now, I'm at a point in my life where I feel lost and abandoned to figure out the world and my purpose in life all on my own. I guess I'll be using this blog to record me stumbling through life. This should be fun....

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